Fugitives from Fundamentalism

The Musings of Adult Missionary Kids (MKs) & Former Born-Again Believers

Jesus Christ, It’s a Venn Diagram!

Posted by Clamence/The Chaplain on December 8, 2009

I found this surfing the web, and it answered a question that has been plaguing me on a daily basis for decades: “What do zombies, Dracula and Frankenstein have in common?” Turns out, Jesus has got them all beat…


18 Responses to “Jesus Christ, It’s a Venn Diagram!”

  1. JN said

    Put this in the fallacy files…Ha!

  2. Yeah, I think it would probably fit best under “Guilt from Association.”

    • Ann said

      Jesus or the monsters?

      • JN said

        “Jesus or the monsters?”


        • Ann said

          Me or Jesus? I guess I could worry about dying and going to hell, or being struck by lightening, only I’m too busy helping people addicted to heroin recover, finding homes for the homeless, and getting food for the foodless. Yeah, I’m a shameless helper. Sadly, I’m still going to burn eternally even though the serial killer and rapist who is now a Christian will be going to heaven. I’d watch out up there–you never know who will move into the mansion next to yours. Could be a real monster.

        • JN said

          Are you talking metaphorically now, or what?

        • Actually, Christians literally believe that a life-long child rapist could at the last minute accept Christ into his life and go to heaven. While at the same time, someone who does nothing but good for people for a lifetime would end up being tortured in hell for all eternity. I think that does a good job of illustrating how irrational and illogical and just plain idiotic Christianity is. Just my opinion. Add the groveling in church and daily sniveling prayers about how unworthy you are, and you’ve got a pretty ridiculous framework for viewing the world. It’s all outta whack. That sounds like a good title for a new post: “Whacky Christianity’s Whack.”

        • Ann said

          Robert pretty much got my meaning. All you really must do to be a Christian is have faith. The rest is just bonus, all the good stuff you do while on earth. I, on the other hand, plan to spend a part of my life trying to help relieve a little suffering for some people on earth, knowing full well I’m just doing it for myself. Not for God. We all end up in the same place, six feet under. I do my job cause I actually feel like helping. Because I have enough motivation to do something about the suffering I see in the world. Even if it means I only help a handful of people (relatively speaking when you think about the billions who have ever lived and are now all dead and dirt). I realize it’s a little futile, but I get paid and I help make some people’s lives better while they are here. And hopefully I do some things that help some people in future generations as well. If people change in this current generation, the generations to come may fare better. One of the best outcomes I see is for pregnant mothers who come in for help all doped up on heroin or pain killers. Their children may actually survive without brain damage or physical issues from getting off the drugs. Having faith in Jesus wouldn’t do that baby a lick of good. Christians addicted to opiates are just as likely as non-Christians to stay on them throughout a pregnancy. Of course, I could probably find as much meaning in a different career if I wanted to, this just happens to be one that’s meaningful for me.

          By the way, I just passed a church sign on my way home from picking my son up from school. It said “ALL BOW DOWN.”

        • JN said

          I love it when people answer rhetorical questions. Especially when it’s a joke and the responses are all serious.

        • I’d love to hear you explain how that was a rhetorical question, Mr. English major. A rhetorical question is one that actually makes an assertion, right? So your assertion was that Ann’s statement was metaphorical. Perhaps the actual mansions are metaphorical (although that is open to debate–the flat-earth model in the Bible isn’t metaphorical, even though the fact that it is false would make a Christian WISH it were metaphorical), but the main point of Ann’s comment was that Christianity teaches that people like Hitler can get into heaven simply by sincerely accepting Jesus at the last minute, while non-believing people who do actual good on this Earth (by the Bible’s own standards) will be tortured for everlasting eternity (Amen!) What’s metaphorical about that? Nutty as hell? Hell yeah! But metaphorical? No.
          P.S. Hitler in heaven would be a REAL monster, and not a metaphorical one, by the way. Not even Jesus’ sticky white blood could wash that bastard clean. Thankfully. Why would someone want to salvage a human like that? Christian forgiveness can go too far. Some things shouldn’t be forgiven.

        • JN said

          OK. So maybe it’s not a true rhetorical question, but it was a question that was not meant to be taken (or answered) seriously. It was a joke. I actually wasn’t expecting an answer at all.

          And by “Ooooh…burn…” I was in no way referring to hell. It’s an expression we hip upper-20-somethings will use for the next 30 years in our futile attempts to stay current.

        • And I wasn’t expecting anyone to respond to my response to your joke question (which was in turn in response to Ann’s joke comment). People respond to your comments whether you want or expect them to or not. Such is the nature of a blog. Get used to it.

        • JN said

          We’re having communication issues here. Maybe I’m being a bit egocentric in thinking that some of these comments were pointed at me and not the general audience, but whatever.

          The sentence about “not expecting a reply” wasn’t about me throwing a hissy fit. It has to do with the definition of “rhetorical question.” While my metaphor question wasn’t making an assertion or much of a statement, it wasn’t really a question to be answered. It only fulfilled half of the requirements for a true rhetorical question.

          And for the record, I’m used to these types of responses by now. So don’t worry about my well-being. Unlike George Bailey, I won’t be jumping off any bridges any time soon.

        • JN, me, communication problems? Never! Ha ha! I have them on a regular basis. In fact, on some days, my life is one big miscommunication. Anyway, what I was reacting to mostly was your comment that read, “I love it when people answer rhetorical questions. Especially when it’s a joke and the responses are all serious.” You’ve made a comment similar to this in the past (I’ll find it if I must), where I get the impression that you feel so above it all, watching us serious folk discuss in straight-laced fashion, our deep and wondrous ideas. I was just trying to make you aware of the fact that people are going to respond to whatever you say exactly as they would like. You are free to point out that you were not chasing after a response, but I can assure you that I don’t care at all whether you want a response. I’m going to write if I have something to say, and if I want to riff off of a point that you raise, or a flippant joke that you make, then I sure as hell will. So, it is pointless to point out that you didn’t seek or want a response. That’s all. There’s no hard feelings at all, I was just confused about why you would keep bringing that up, when it is clear to me that people aren’t responding with your desires in mind. The world doesn’t revolve around you, JN! πŸ™‚ Although it sure as hell revolves around me.

        • JN said

          It’s OK. I’m commonly misunderstood. I lack certain qualities that people recognize as friendly. I probably come across as an a-hole most of the time. I suck at being a person.

          • Ann said

            Hey JN, I knew you were teasing me, and I knew “Ooooh, burn” is an expression of speech. Sometimes I like putting thoughts up that I think are funny or interesting or b/c I feel like pontificating for those reasons more than in response to a comment (while also responding). And, I admit, I was teasing you, and then got sorta serious. Maybe part of this is a perspective issue? Stuff that’s really funny to me as an atheist is probably not as funny to you as a Christian, and vice versa. Just like I know some of the stuff I write or put on online that’s humorous to me, or meant to be humorous, may not be so funny to anyone else (like your stuff–I’m laughing).

            P.S. I would give you a hug if you were here now. Kumbaya…

        • You and me both. Sucking at being a person is just being a person–you can’t fail at being human. πŸ™‚ By the way, I do realize you are being facetious. Just so we avoid any confusion!

        • JN said

          I think I need a hug…

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