Fugitives from Fundamentalism

The Musings of Adult Missionary Kids (MKs) & Former Born-Again Believers

The Atheist Book of Genesis by Ted Bouklos

Posted by Clamence/The Chaplain on April 17, 2010

IN THE BEGINNING there was a singularity that was infinitely small and infinitely dense. When outward pressures surpassed its inward mass attraction it expanded to the size of a basketball. And the basketball was good.

And the Universe said “let the matter and anti matter collide” and it forced the universe ever outwards as matter and antimatter collided. And the collisions were good.

And the Universe said ” let the amount of matter outweigh the amount of anti-matter by a small fraction of a percent” so when all the anti-matter was annihilated by matter there was only matter left. And the matter was good.

Then the Universe said “let he matter form Hydrogen the most basic of elements: and the Hydrogen was good.

And the Universe said let the Hydrogen coalesce into vast nebula clouds and from the clouds let them coalesce further into super massive proto-stars.” And the proto-stars were good.

And the Universe said “let the largest of these super-massive proto-stars collapse under their own weight and form black holes unto which the other proto-stars may be caught in their gravity to form galaxies.” And the galaxies were good.

And the Universe said “let the remaining unstable proto-stars go super-nova and in their death throes let the hydrogen fuse into new heavier elements such as helium and carbon and iron.” And the elements were good.

And the Universe said “and let from hydrogen in these death-shrouds stars be born and let the heavier elements orbit these stars and coalesce into planets to form solar systems.” And the solar systems were good.

And on one of these planets the Universe said “let comets made of water be drawn into this planet and collide with it to bring water to it and then let a smaller planet collide with it throwing out debris that shall coalesce into a moon and this planet shall be earth.” And the earth was good.

And the Universe said “let the earth cool and the gasses blanket the earth to form an atmosphere.” And the atmosphere was good.

And the Universe said “Let the water in the atmosphere condense into rain and let that rain fall for thousands of years until all of the oceans are full.” And the oceans were good.

And the Universe said “let the element carbon combine with other elements to form organic molecules such as amino acids and nucleotides.” And the organic molecules were good.

And the Universe said “let these organic molecules which combine in water be struck by great lightning storms that produce high amounts of electricity and let these molecules form protozoa such as amoeba and let life spring forth!” And life was good.

And the Universe said let these protozoa reproduce and evolve and mutate to create more complex life such as plants and animals.” And the plants and animals were good.

And the Universe said “Let one of these mutations evolve into a sentient being called man.” And man was good.

And the Universe said “Let this sentient being called man look around the earth and up at the stars at night in awe and wonder his existence and form reasoning and logic.” And reason and logic was good.

And Man used his reasoning and logic to ponder his existence and said “I am in awe of my surroundings and do not understand it and the only explanation I have of how it and I came to be is a magic man in the sky made it all happen. I must create religion” And religion was BAD.

And the Universe said “Are you shittin’ me????”


9 Responses to “The Atheist Book of Genesis by Ted Bouklos”

  1. Ann said

    Haha! Like this Ted guy! I predict a Facebook befriending is imminent.

    • Ann said

      P.S. Just cause I like something you write, or just cause you’re an atheist, doesn’t mean you’re a cool person. I happen to know Ted’s girlfriend 🙂 Being an atheist doesn’t lend to you being nicer, more trustworthy, or more interesting a person…it should go without saying that neither does being a Christian.

  2. JN said

    Maybe a little more ‘flow’ would make it more amusing/interesting.

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