Fugitives from Fundamentalism

The Musings of Adult Missionary Kids (MKs) & Former Born-Again Believers

My Christian Bizarro World Rant

Posted by Clamence/The Chaplain on August 1, 2010

Sometimes at the end of a long day, when I’m feeling exhausted and worn down by the stresses of everyday life, I grab a glass of red wine (the darker the better) and log onto Facebook. My only desire is to decompress and read a funny comment by a friend. Instead, what I am usually greeted with are endless religious status updates and comments. It’s like I’ve been transported to a Christian Bizarro World where everyone thinks and acts the opposite way folks in a rational world should.

Christians I knew growing up were always going on about persecution and how they were all called by their god (my god, at the time) to be “weird,” unique and separate from the “evil material world.” They were all, and still are, so full of shit. You want to feel like an outsider? Become an atheist. Imagine a world where all of your friends and acquaintances on Facebook are going on about their beliefs in preposterous imaginary things like, “Praise the Googlymuegfroed for relieving the dark fluids from my singhardfest! Truly the Sighismferm is good!” Suddenly, the glass of red wine I’m holding seems far too empty, and the world I live in feels like a really fucked up and scary place to be. Seriously folks, how can you still believe in magic: virgins getting pregnant, people walking on water, folks levitating and floating up into the sky sans jet pack in your fucking 30s?! You are grown ass adults, for Christ’s sake, so act like it! Grow up!

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12 Responses to “My Christian Bizarro World Rant”

  1. Ann said

    It’s not so much the completely wacky stuff I read, for me it’s the almost rational people that throw the supernatural stuff into conversations once in a blue moon. The C.S. Lewis lovers and intellectual Christians. It’s like a whole part of their mind has been walled off. From the research on brain development, I think most psychologists would agree that after adults grow past the years when the brain is doing most of its wiring, the likelihood those people will EVER change is slim to none. This sounds strange coming from a counselor, I’m sure, but change on such a fundamental level is an extremely rare occurence. We accept that most personalities stay pretty stable past one’s mid-twenties.

    Funny thing is, they probably think similar things about me. I have a few of these intellectual Christian friends now and I have to accept they will probably always be who they are now.

    • Ann said

      A thought–the fact that Dan Barker de-converted after 19 years of Christianity, in his early 30’s, makes him quite the exception. One thing I think that worked in his favor was his very high IQ, but then, a bunch of people with high IQs are Christians. Heard he was ridiculed on the Daily Show with John Stewart for his fight against the commemoration of Mother Teresa on a U.S. stamp. Props to Dan!

      • Robert said

        Christopher Hitchens wrote a book on Mother Teresa that I’ve been meaning to read.

        • Jerry said

          Good for Barker. I knew a good friend of her Confessor, and believe me, she’s no saint. While she took care of AIDS patients, she routinely refused to allow any gay partners of patients to spend time with them while they were dying. Another great example of the scourge on humanity that is the Catholic church.

          • Ann said

            I agree. What kind of person denies someone who’s dying time with their loved ones? Seriously vile. How about a little empathy woman. She was quite blunt with Christopher Hitchens, telling him, “I’m not a social worker. I don’t do it for this reason. I do it for Christ. I do it for the church.” Indicates her motivations were not a desire for the alleviation of poverty or suffering–in fact she publicly called for people to accept their poverty. You suffer, well just embrace it. Man, I could rant forever about Mother Teresa! What she did to push back rights for women. Her views on contraception. On homosexuality. Christopher Hitchens says he thought of calling his book “The Sacred Cow” instead of “The Missionary Position.” To sum up Mother Teresa in her own words: “I think it is very beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is being much helped by the suffering of the poor people.” Talk about insanity. This sorta sums up missionary work, and the charitable works of Christians in general I think. Glorifying suffering and helping people for Christ instead of for helping’s sake (since God will reward all this suffering after death–or the Universe in rebirth, or some such nonsense). Can’t help but feel above this all. LOL!!

            • Robert said

              What?! His book is actually called “The Missionary Position”?!!! Hahahahahahah!!!!! That title, in connection with Mo Teresa, ewwwwww…

  2. Jerry said

    Did you see the video recently on the national news of the store clerk who was getting robbed and testified to the robber about how she wanted to tell him about her Jesus? Then the robber tells her, “God bless you” and says he’s a Christian too and how he hates doing this kind of stuff? They’re all insane!

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